Heartbroken, sad, relieved, disappointed...and wanting to Self-Medicate with FOOD...
Im not even sure how I can be feeling SOOO many feelings-all at once, but I am.
I just watched my "Heart" (Blake) get on a plane to CA. I have been trying sooo fuckin hard all day to stay strong...to look at the POSITIVE points of him leaving, but when it came right down to the Moment-I CANT hold myself together....
I know I should be on the phone calling one of my BLENDS buddies, but honestly-I dont think I could really hold ANY kind of conversation right now. I'M.....JUST.....EMPTY.....
Its EASY to say (and ACT) like Im happy that he is outta my house/that I wont hafta deal with the stress hes been puttin me thru, and that I finally will have "Dana-Time" but damnnnnnnnn...Blake has been my ENTIRE LIFE ever since the day I found out I was pregnant almost 17 years ago. ....I feel like I have failed. I was always raised to belive that kids should be with their Moms-NO MATTER WHAT. Now...I dont even have my own son with me. WTF????!!
Sorry..I know this is kinda like a "broken record" for most of you-yall were right by my side the First time Blake decided he didnt want to live with me back in Feb., and have stuck thru this shit with me on & off ever since. THANK YOU....and Im sorry Im layin all this crap on yall again. I just dont know what else to do..........
This just plain fuckin sucks...............and Im soooooo tryin to fight the urge to eat everything in sight....
Im not even sure how I can be feeling SOOO many feelings-all at once, but I am.
I just watched my "Heart" (Blake) get on a plane to CA. I have been trying sooo fuckin hard all day to stay strong...to look at the POSITIVE points of him leaving, but when it came right down to the Moment-I CANT hold myself together....
I know I should be on the phone calling one of my BLENDS buddies, but honestly-I dont think I could really hold ANY kind of conversation right now. I'M.....JUST.....EMPTY.....
Its EASY to say (and ACT) like Im happy that he is outta my house/that I wont hafta deal with the stress hes been puttin me thru, and that I finally will have "Dana-Time" but damnnnnnnnn...Blake has been my ENTIRE LIFE ever since the day I found out I was pregnant almost 17 years ago. ....I feel like I have failed. I was always raised to belive that kids should be with their Moms-NO MATTER WHAT. Now...I dont even have my own son with me. WTF????!!
Sorry..I know this is kinda like a "broken record" for most of you-yall were right by my side the First time Blake decided he didnt want to live with me back in Feb., and have stuck thru this shit with me on & off ever since. THANK YOU....and Im sorry Im layin all this crap on yall again. I just dont know what else to do..........
This just plain fuckin sucks...............and Im soooooo tryin to fight the urge to eat everything in sight....
posted by Nascar Hottie @ 6:03 PM
5 Comments:
At 6:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dana...I'm gonna PM you girl.
At 10:10 PM,
Udenia said…
Hang in there girl! I feel like I have failed with my son at times, I think all parents do. Hopefully Blake will turn out to be a strong, proud man and turn back and appreciate everything you have done for him even though he has had a hard time showing it during his "teen" years! Keep the chin up! We are here for you!
At 6:35 AM,
Karla said…
You are an excellent Mom. Please don't feel like a failure. He's a teenager. One day, it will all click in his brain and he'll realize that everything that you did was to make him a better man and for that he'll thank you and love you even more. My thoughts are with you!
At 7:27 PM,
Suzanne said…
I just called you!! Wah!!! Answer ya phone!!!
Love ya girl!!
At 7:23 AM,
Unknown said…
Hey girlie...I hope you are doing better. From your email this a.m., you sound o.k. I will call you later. I sure miss you. Things with Blake will run their course-and then be back to normal. Enjoy your day..Hugs Dee
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