Are You Eatin, Sleepin, Dreamin with that One Thing On Your Mind??

"Success is my only mutha F**kin Option...Failures NOT!"

Monday, July 17, 2006

Ready to give up....

I REALLY try to stay positive, but this post is about as far from positive as its gets-and Im sorry. I hafta get this out before I literally have a breakdown....and honestly I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of one as I type.

I'm at the end of my rope with my son. I dont know what else to do to help him-Ive tried EVERYTHING that I know how. I tried to give him a clean start here in AZ. I left everything and everyone back in CA just to save him from the gang, the drugs and a life of crime & all the shit that comes with it. It hasnt been the perfect move-but he has made progress in some aspects, but now he is backsliding to a point that I feel helpless.

I know for a fact that hes smokin weed on a daily basis-which I can NOT Tolerate! Now I found out hes done 'Shrooms within the last couple of days. Last night was the final straw-Blake lost his cell phone, so he asked to use mine for a minute. (Yes-he lied to me about who he was callin)Then at 1:00 frickin a.m. MY CELL rings-I answer it all "ghetto" cuz I dont recognize the #, and its his GawwddDammnn "Weedman!" I came un-fuckin glued! The dumb ass even TOLD me his name and asked if I was Blakes Bitch-"Yeah Mutha-f*cka..Im his Bitch..his Bitch-ass Momma!!" (Tha lil punk ass hung up on me.)

I tried to get some help from the local P.D. (i tried a few months ago too) but according to them, becuz Blake isnt on probation or diversion I cant force him into a rehab or a program. He has to go volutarily. Thats bullshit-Im his Mom, his legal guardian-the one thats responsible for him if he gets into trouble with the law-but I cant MAKE him get help. Also, they said that unless they find him in possession of a "substantial" amount of anything-its an Infraction in this district. They wont even come out & arrest him for being under the influence unless I can prove that he is in grave danger of hurting himself or someone else. As bad as shit was back home-at least I had the P.D. on my side.

I cant take seeing my son change into who he is becoming. He is my life-my heart and soul and I would lay down my life in a HEART BEAT for him! To see this mean, nasty, disrespectful young man in Blakes body is killing me....Honestly I dont know what to do at this point. He doesnt listen to me-Ive tried to contact his Dad, but I honestly dont think he will take custody of him. My parents cant take him either-they are in their 60's and already have my loser-drug-addicted 46 yr old brother livin with them.

I swear-my own lil piece of Desert heaven is more like a living hell right now.........


  • At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh my goodness...I don't even know what to say other than I am so very sorry. My heart aches for you. Dana, I know what you are going through is hard but don't give up. Stay strong...I'm here for you girl!

    Hugs, LisaMichele

  • At 8:28 PM, Blogger Lori said…

    Wow, kids can hurt you more than anything. My mom told me that. :)

    I don't know what to say either. I know it is hard. I just had issues with kelsey too, not to that extent...yet, but I decided to get her counseling. It helped but didn't totally turn her around. She's like me, insecure and unconfident. I don't know how to change that either. Self image is a hard thing to deal with. I would try him with some counseling though. I can't believe that you , his mother can't sign him in somewhere. I would check around for more places. Although after talking with people at work, in jail, they say they won't get off the stuff until they aren't around their friends. I wish you the best of luck. We're all here for you.


  • At 8:30 PM, Blogger Janel said…

    On man, Dana, That is so rough! I wish there was something...anything I could do to help!! I really feel for you, hon, What can I do??? I'm here for you anytime, call me tonight or tomorrow OK? Come over and watch my new video and see your pics with the cowboy and 21, mabye that will cheer you up?? AND we need to get our AZ BFL dinner party planned ASAP!! You better call me!!!

  • At 9:20 PM, Blogger Kana said…

    Hey girl...I'm sending big hugs your way! LOve ya

  • At 2:58 AM, Blogger Persephone66 said…


    Got here via Kana's blog. I don't visit tracker very often these days so I'm glad to be able to pop by here to say hello. Sorry to hear about your son. I also have a son headed in that direction--and I do blame the lousy neighbourhood for it. Any chance of heading back to the city where that supportive PD is? (and sorry to ask dumb questions--it was just a thought).

    Very best wishes,


  • At 12:56 AM, Blogger Udenia said…

    Dana, I have had several friends that have had problems with their teenagers and if you befriend someone on the force, they usually will help you. If your son EVER damages anything in the house, (punches the wall, hits you, etc, then you CAN CALL THE COPS on him, and if you find pot, or for some odd reason a bag is FOUND?? in his room, then you call the cops and have them search his room, then he can be arrested. Or you can have him put in the juvenal system, my parents almost did that to my sister because she kept running off, sleeping around, etc. If he doesn't listen to reason, then kick him out when he turns 18. You have raised him to the best of YOUR ability and it is now up to him to make the best decisions. I have faith in you that you will make the best decisions for him and YOURSELF!


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